what to do??

u suddenly become very good with me..
msg me in the morning when u wake up..
telling me wat u gonna do and where u gonna go..
Cisi said even her bf also didn't told her that..
and the msg we send is more then usual..
but everything change after we meet..

hmm..i also dunno wat to do..
when u try to be good to me that time..i'll try to be not so close with u..
but when i try to be close with u that time..u got no respond at all..
haiz..i really dunno wat to do anymore..
oh ya..wat happened between u and that gal??
didn't see u with her anymore after the movie..

tired!!!
everyday of mine in this week is very very PACK!!!
ER~~~lack of sleep and all the flu makes me headache..
i wanna sleep..sobz~~~
feel like hugging u..TT
haiz..but everything now is the pay of for wat i have done..
so..will try my best to settle everything..

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STUPID JAMIE

why recently u seem to treat me different??or its just i am the one who think too much??
i dunno what u think and what u want actually..
sometimes u seems to care a lot but sometime its in the opposite way..
every time seeing u so close to other gals i feel so bad..
i even try to make u jealous..and sometimes i juz pretend noting happened after i made my decision..but i dunno wat i'm doing and wat i want actually..
every time after i made my decision u make me change my mind again..
every time when i decide no to be close to u and wanna let go that time u'll make me feel like u care for me a lot..
every time juz feel like hugging u and everything will feel better..
but should i really do that???!!!
ER!!!!
wat should i do???
even the msg also i dun think so i know wat to write and send it to u..
i know i need to make a decision and follow wat i have decide..
but why i know wat to do but i dunno how to start and do??
why i'm so stupid!!!!
know what kind of person you're but still wanna miss and care for u..
ER!!!STUPID JAMIE!!!!

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weekend that i didn't expected..

Punisher is a nice movie..i went for that with studio's de people..

Kuhan, Cisi, Vera, Soo, Coco and Lynn..(include me as well also la)..

three of us seems to have same opinion..we don't have good impression with Lynn and Vera starts to feel uncomfortable with her..we were chatting in the car until very run and we juz know one thing HOT~~~haha..

we then go down the car and go to Vera's room but OMG..she was there..

we ignore her..but we didn't say anything bad bout her..Vera was hoping that she won't follow us for movie..but he called her..

ya..as wat i have expected..haiz..

i didn't bother much and keep mixing with Cisi and Vera..coz she's not the person that i can mix around and i try to avoid him..pretend noting happened and play around..ignoring him..

during the movie she sit beside me and he's in the middle of her and Coco..

i dunno why my sight will change to the direction once awhile..

try to see anything happened with them??maybe..but it was funny when i saw her in his bosom..

even i dun like horror movie i'll juz borrow my friend's shirt..haha..

i got noting to say but juz ignore them..trying to remove everything from my mind and concentrate on the movie..i rush out the cinema after the movie as i wanna pee when the movie was showing half way..i decide to let everything go and run away from him..dun wanna meet him if i doesn't need to..pretending noting happened and juz be friends..

he drive her back when Vera is sitting my car and they are staying in the same place..we were chatting in the car until 4..wondering that she's coming back or staying in hostel like the day before..i think negatively and start to bo form again..but she already sleeping in her room..we juz take our stuff and move to Cisi's house..dunno wat happened to both of us..we chat until 7 in the morning without knowing the time..

telling myself that i won't be seeing him this few days and stop thinking of him..

but he left me a msg asking where am i and want me to go collect money from him..

at first i ask Cisi to collect for me..but i forget and went down..but he was not there..

i felt complication and i can take that during my monday class also..but i dunno he dunno what i mean in my msg or wat??he said he'll call me when he reach studio..i got no energy to explain with him and juz take my nap as i was lack of sleep..in the end i still meet him..even when pet shop with him at night..ER!!!wat am i doing???Cisi cried that day..i dun feel like living her alone but i still need to go back..so i pass her to Kuhan..but i dun think so i made a wrong choice..

that day i went back late and thought that i'll be going back penang not so early..

my "kia" come to my house and find me..wat a shock and we plan to go and see ah ma also..

but he called me..i dun really know wat he's saying but i juz know that he want me to fetch him..

i went pacific after that with lots of question marks..the answer %his car got no battery%...==

he forgot to off the light when he go down and can't start his can..but why ME??

he should have a lot of friend in butterworth..even his sis can help him also..why wanna ask me from which is from bm??and we went back his house after that..????????

wat juz happened???coz i'm the only one who always dunno how to say no??

why am i seeing him the whole week????ER!!!

that night i need him so badly..juz feel like having a hug from him and everything will be fine..

i tight and big hug juz like that night when i heard she's staying in hostel..TT

wat i want??i'm leaving..but i still got 5 months..its not long and doesn't sound short also..

i wanna settle everything..it should be like this anymore..

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必经之路

今天问了些资料。。可是越问越乱。。各有各的说法。。每个人的意见都不同。。
过后却跟我堂姐聊了起来。。哭了。。
觉得做人好难。。很在乎家人对自己的看法但却表达不了。。误会越来越深。。越忍越糟。。
我甘愿他们骂我。。甘愿他们告诉我他们的看法也不想像现在酱。。他们越忍就越让我觉得愧疚。。
他们对我很重要所以每个决定都会想到他们先。。尽量满足他们。。
但他们要的到底是什么？为什么沟通是那么困难的一件事啊？
他们越是随我便我越是不知所措。。好想知道他们到底想要些什么？我到底该怎么做?
出国真的解决得了吗？这个决定会让他们安心吗？
好累。。好累。。好多事都在一起发生。。但我很想告诉那个人渣我相信报应。。他会愧疚一辈子的。。现在的我该快点决定自己的未来。。想想怎么让家人安心的同时也了解大家要的是什么。。剩的都不重要了。。

好想抱你。。告诉你心里的感受。。但其实你一点也不在乎。。
是时候放手了。。像Cisi说的。。被伤害的只有自己所以想你坏处多点。。当你是朋友就好
选择离开对你来说或许不是什么。。但我确实很想留下很好的回忆。。所以我回开心的跟你们度过每一天的。。就算只是你的朋友。。我会尽量不去在乎。。不吃醋。。
加油！！没什么是我做不到的。。^^

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bad bad day..

we decide to go toy musuem today..
he send msg to me suddenly after he went out..ask me not to do nonesence..the smile hang on my face quite a long time coz he thought i'm joing to muzuem with tattoo only..and he said he's jelous and dun wanna find me anymore..^^
but after that i think back..jelous doesn't mean anything..friends can get jelous also..
my mood went down during the visiting in the museum..and after i fetch cisi and she ask me about the planning stuff..my mood down until now..haiz..
cisi cried juz now..coz her grandpa juz pass away and she scare she can't see her grandma the last time juz like her grandpa..i can't stand and juz walk up and find kuhan..left vera and her downstairs..see her cry..my heart break..

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sausage finger..

today is public holiday..i got noting to do and plan to see my bettle..i went studio with them after that..but its so boring and got noting to do..i then when pm to do my first tattoo..i thought it will be very pain..but its not wat i have expected..i spend RM100 on the tattoo and it tooks 15 minutes only..a few days b4 i do the tattoo..the price was RM150 and the boss open RM120 when i do but when i finish and wanted to pay..he got no change..end up paying RM100..some said its expensive and some said its fair..coz finger is more difficult for the color to stay..wat i know is my finger BENGKAK like a sausage..twice the size of my other fingers after comparing..haha..

soo's first snake pass away in the evening after a few week sick..he's sad but i dunno wat to say and how to conform him..same thing goes to yi feng..his bike being stolen and both of them were in their DOWN mood..i juz keep quite and wait for tattoo to arrive..he was shock when he heard i make the tattoo..haha..soo told me he's shock too when he saw that..we didn't talk much that day as usual while waiting for tattoo after ur dinner..he said he's going to help lynn to move her stuff to vera's place so he told us to go "jiu guan zi jiao" first and he'll be there after that..both of us were a bit panic when some of the road is closed and there was a bit jam..so ah hong reach there faster then us..we do noting but chatting there..but its quite comfortable sitting there and now only i notice there's a basketball court there..the event end after the firework and they juz took a few pic and we went back to find ah soo..

he was in vera's hostel..when we reach there..vera invited me to her room and the first thing she said was"i wanna see ur tattoo"..OMG!!how she know that?she said soo told her..and through our conversation everything that i wanted to tell him he de told her..something not feeling right happened on me..my mood change but i pretend noting..tattoo then send msg to ask me down..after deric and his friend when back..all of us were talking in front of the house quite a long time..we then change to our next destination, MAMAK to had our supper but we were curious he didn't follow when we decide to not let deric wait for us so long..we then waited him and deric in the shop..until we finish ur food deric appears but there is no sign of him..after awhile tattoo call him and he's still in the same spot..he was angry and said him..

就觉得我不是他喜欢的那个。。只是随便一个女生罢了。。虽然睡前他有叫我把门锁好。。

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自己选择的路。。跪着也要把它走完。。

新年偷偷出门的事被发现了。。虽然我回去时事情已经过了很久。。只是被念两句。。但我还是说出我的决定了。。
以前的我或许会因为舍不得。。因为朋友而改变主意。。但现在的我应该是时候改变了。。
我知道你们都很舍不得我。。都不要我去。。但做了这个决定的我也不好过啊。。你们又看到我做了决定后的样子吗？我又舍得放下我这边的一切吗？
但既然决定了就应该坚持。。我也该想想我自己的未来。。想想什么对我才是最好的不是吗？
开心。。不开心也好。。那或许将会成为事实那为何不开心地珍惜我们现在拥有的每一天呢？或许我是带着有点逃避的心决定出国但80%的决定还是因为省钱。。省时。。想让自己重新开始。。10%让自己学会独立。。不再那么爱玩。。剩的就是考验自己对你的感觉。。也让自己有多点时间了解你。。
现在的我好累。。好累。。不想再去猜测我在你心里到底是站着什么样的位子。。因为你对每个人都一样。。或许到现在的我都只是在自作多情。。也不想再抱什么期望。。因为一次次的希望换来的是越来越严重伤害。。
我想对大家道歉。。因为这件事没有几个人知道罢了。。不是不想跟你们说。。因为事情还没定下。。如果真的决定了我会找你们出来的。。
至于studio的。。对不起。。请原谅我的自私。。我只想跟大家开心的过每一天。。因为我真的会很舍不得你们。。你们是我参过最能参。。最好的了。。虽然你们都很复杂。。但你们都很好。。我会好好珍惜跟你们在一起的每一天的。。
或许大家会觉得我很可笑，很幼稚。。我也不懂自己为什么要酱。。或许只是自己害怕分离吧？
还有保守秘密的别忘了我们的约定哦。。

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