Does it really matter?

I grasp something when May told me about her relationship

A relationship
Can be there or not also,
It doesn’t matter”

Went back home after training
Think of what she said

hmm
It actually suits me too
Right?

Going Australia on July
Miss * hugs * kiss
Will be forgotten after that I guess?

Since I’m not that important to him
Guess I won’t tell him that I’m going to Aus too

I care
And it bothers me
About what he think and how he feel

But even we get together
Its like noting will change
And it doesn’t matter if we are couple or not
Coz we won't bother at all

He finds me when he needs me
When he had his friends I’ll be waiting
I’m like a ‘xiao nv ren
And he thinks girl should be like that too
even we are together
we'll still having the same life
doing what we do now

Coz for guys
They want freedom
And for girls
They just want the guy they love to be happy and be with them

But it this really gonna work?
No idea
But usually girls with get hurt I guess?

Think * think * think * think
Still the same
Let it be
And everything will be fine

Anyway
Wish me luck
Hopefully my life in Aus will be different
In a good sense I mean
And my new life will be starting from there

**God bless me**
Read more

Bad luck

Cisi cried that day
She said she’s damn bad luck
My mood went down too

A lot of problems come into her at the same time
Her relationship
Her homework
Her teacher
Don’t have her passports
The dance
Everything around her

She’s strong and brave
But she can accept too much in one time

Suen finds me after I left Cisi’s house
She’s in bad mood also
She can’t let go yet
And his uncle is suffering in cancer

I didn’t give any advice or cheer her up
Feel like crying
Can’t help them at all

Yet I told myself
I’ll try my best and be there for u when u needs me

Had a small argue with ah Soo
Don’t know I’m right or wrong
But the problems still exist
I got my points and he got his points
But how to reduce the problems is the most important thing noh?
TT
Read more

friend

am i the naive one?
or the world is too realistic for us?

good with everyone
thought that they won't be your best friends
thought that you will get what you paid for
thought when you treat a person good
he/she will be too
having a friend that u dun know his/her real act at all

really??
or u just choose not to know it??

i saw things
go through things
notice that they were not there with my other friends
which still study in form 6

keep on changing
and what's the real personality of mine?
do i have one?

knowing too much is not a good thing to do
but u'll be continuing being used
thought that are ur true friends

why world need to be so complicated
why i have to know all of that after i thought i know what kind of person he/she is?

what is a friend really stand for?
Read more

wOo hOo~~

finally
Cisi came back from Beijing de
^^
miss her so damn much

we went for lunch the day after she came back
and
pili pala pili pala
we kept on talking when we met each other
haha

feel like giving her a big big hugs
but didn't coz we were in the car
and i'm very shy
ahahaha

after dinner
we when shopping
bought nail polish and keep playing with the tester

Cisi follow me back home coz my parents went Siam
and she met my friend Suen and Ee

we were tired 
but still we talk and talk and talk
until i almost fall asleep
haha

its good to have her back
really miss her so damn much
haha

JAMIE LOVE CISI
JAMIE LOVE CISI COZ CISI LOVE JAMIE
she use to tell me that

ya
i love her
muackss ^6
Read more

interview

Went Sega for interview few days ago
Now waiting for the call
If we get a call
Means we get a job
And if I dun get a job from Sega
I’ll be going back to Inti to continue my studies
Which is very...
Sweat

Having a very bad mood yesterday
Why?
It might be my studies
Or even him
I don’t know

My mum ask me weather I want to go KL instate of Aus to had my pre-u
Coz my cousin from KL feels like I should go KL first
It saves a lot
I struggled very long
Damn damn bad mood

Everything is a decision
Each decision is so difficult to made
After one decision is made another come
After ones decision is made another choice came
Everything keep repeating and repeating
When will it stop?
Damn tired with my life
But I won’t give up
I can go through all the problems
That’s what I believe in myself
told my mum my decision
but she seem to be not so satisfied
dun feel good but still dun wanna give up wat i had decide
Read more

sleep like a pig

that's how i run away from my problem
without hurting myself

no need to think so much
and sleep as long as possible to let the time pass

it doesn't hurt
that let me stop thinking
which makes me like it so much when something happened

thought i would get rid of him
didn't see him much this days
but why he's in my dream
=="

i trust my friend
but i dun trust him
he's not ur cup of tea
but u might be his cup of tea
yet it doesn't matter to me anymore

he scare lonely
and there is always a person beside him
friend or gal
that's wat i feel
so i said i trust u

i know May recently only
but its nice knowing her

found true friends from the studio
first-Cisi
she's always there when i need her
give me opinion
friendly and good that makes me believe there's still true friends

second-Vera
she's strong
try to be bad but she's good
adorable [haha]
and have her own thinking

third-Ashley
she's always steam but bring us laughter
caring
and she's a good gal too

fourth-May
she cry easily
always laught and make us laught
siao siao de
good listener

fifth-Diana
steam
always get peli from me
first tb i saw which always get hurt
caring and good gal

sixth-Maggie
strong
mature
a nice gal
but i'm not so close with her
maybe
i dunno?
juz felt that she's so higher level than i do
haha

haiz
really bo form
dunno wat to write de
juz stop here la
Read more

political

haiz
we are just a banch of kids that like to play basketball
why can't we just enjoy playing?
that happened 2 years ago
i was new in the team
and my coach "ah yan" taught me for 6 months only
we then have 3 coach join in
they come by themselves and said wanna teach us
coz they saw us very hardworking
and they saw how much we pay for to go for practice
we train hard and all the coach respect each others as well
but there is once
a competition in veldor
that was the final
and we were having our game with JIT SIN
we lost the game by one ball [if i'm not mistaken]
that was the first game that lead us to the campion after our hardwork
the coach of that day is uncle
coz sir has work till very late
he came late
he give opinion for uncle when he saw something wrong
but than uncle have his own way
and didn't accept the advice
but after the game
our captain "ah xuan" were being blame
all berapit said that we lost the game coz she's greedy
sir told uncle not to say that
coz ones game lost is cause by the coach by not the player
even player didn't listen to the order is still the coach's problem
coach should be responsible with players attitude and their performance
uncle left after that
and our captain come back after our advice
i was being hate by my senior after that
coz they felt that i'm very good with sir
and all my teammates hate him actually
coz of his attitude i guess?
but i'm the knid of person that doesn't care much
coz wat i want is to be happy
do wat i wanna do
and i dunno how to reject ppl
i was sir's best player [senior group] and helper
i was once the assistant coach of my high school
and now i'm facing a difficulty of choosing
my senior and a few teammates going to join the competition on june
but the problem is the are under uncle
and they ask me weather i wanna join them or not
i dunno sir got join the game or not
coz its under 21
i was thinking of joining them if sir joining
but wat my senior will think about me
and is my sir joining?
AH~~~
just wanna enjoy and have a game
but why is it so difficult
everything must choose
make a choice
life is so damn hard
TT
diana ask me to join youngster
but
if sir see me in youngster
wat'll he say again??
he hate ppl like that
and dun think about joining uncle
die faster
haiz
i think i should give him a call
conform with him
but i'm scare to join youngster
god bless me
Read more

can't discribe the feeling

那种感觉
代表着什么?

无意间
看到的照片
怎么会让我有酱的反应啊?

看到了他跟meriyean的照片
心里很不舒服
像被千万只针刺一样
好难呼吸

严重

而且还真夸张
是凑巧吗?

可能是自己不舒服吧?
对~~
一定是那样!!
跟他一点关系都没有

那个女生是在他朋友生日的前一天认识的
因为我要载他过槟城时她在他家

没什么去看那个女生
因为对我来说习惯就好
后来才知道她是杨飞的学生
就是之前上去时他们说的那个女生

其实看到她时我有点吓到
因为我到时他在睡觉
那她又在干嘛?
不知道也不想知道

刚刚看了照片才知道
原来她就是在云顶时让我吃醋的女生
哈哈
世界还真小啊

那只是一个巧合
是我自己不舒服
别想太多
我已经不会去在意他所做的一切了
Read more

LOVE is hard

love can be shown in different way
but why u have to show in this way?
it hurts
really HURTS

can't stop my tears after what u said
i know u love me the most
but can't you just say how u feel?
instate of telling in a scolding form?

i tried to be the best daughter that u will ever be proud with
but i think i had fail to do that

i cut myself with a scissors
its not shape
but i can't find any blade
i give up by typing out how i feel
with tears that blog my side

thought there is noting
but
OWCH~
there is a cut
=="

felt better after talking to my mum
but my dad want me to continue my 5th sem
instate of wondering around for 2 or 3 months

i told my mum to let me go find for a job one day
if i can't find a job on that day
i'll go back INTI for my sem5
and go australia when its time

she told me that my dad want me to go back is coz he scare i will change my mind again if i go for work
i told my mum i won't
if i will i de done that few years ago
its not so easy to have a job
[but for me its kinda fun actually althought its tired]

hopefully my mum will understand
and let me work during that time

i dunno why?
i get my pocket money and i had enough to spend
but i juz wanna earn some money
for wat?
saving i guess?
Read more

当你们的乖宝宝真的好难

‘讲你是为了你好。’
这句话我听了好多好多遍了
对你们来说我怎样都是错的
你们只想我做你们心目中的乖宝宝
而我不管在怎么努力都不会是你们心目中的乖宝宝

在你们眼里我永远都不成乖过
不是你们心目中的好孩子
我参的朋友永远都是坏的
永远都是不对的

每次鼓起了那个勇气
换来的又是什么?
一次次的自卑
一次次的更没信心

我知道我说不要读书只是一时之气
但我没说错吧?
既然在你们眼里我那么没用
不会读书也没心读书
那为什么还要浪费那些钱?
酱辛苦

我有多久没放心在一件事情上了你们知道吗?
就算跳舞
我也只是去玩
我很想投入
但我知道我不可以

我做的每件事都是因为你们
可我永远都是错的
在你们眼里我不是乖宝宝
但你们又知道我在外人的眼里都是吗?
你们又知道真正的学生是怎样的吗?

我不曾改变自己去变坏
因为我知道我对你们来说我已经不够好了
我学会拒绝
学会不参
甚至连招呼有时都不打

我可以有很多节目
可我都没去
可对你们来说我还是没变

现在的我还有像以前一样一直按电话吗?
有时连电话都懒得带的我
又种抢了
哈哈

真的好想割。。好想割
我真的快不行了
我已经不知道要再怎么去当你们的乖宝宝了

我知道我现在该做的不是哭
而是想办法解决
想办法说服你们
但我做不到
我真的很没有
你们的每一句话让我无法再站起来
我不想你们觉得我很不坚强
但我真的不行了
Read more

同居

“同居”
听到这两个字
吓了我一跳

他的朋友,国杰问的
因为那天我住他家
他们晚上出去时我也跟去

那是上个礼拜的事了
突然想起就写下来

当时的我听了不懂怎么回答
只是一幅很惊讶的表情
他或许以为我们在交往吧?

刚好他也在听电话
他听到了吗?
我很好奇
但没多问

或许他真的对什么事情都麻了吧?
什么事情他都可以不在乎
没什么事是刺激得了他的
除了我那天说的

虽然对我们来说有些事情已经很平常了
但我真得吓到了
或许是因为我们什么都不是吧?
听起来很奇怪

可对他来说
应该什么都不是吧?
只有我自己顾虑很多
想很多

做笨蛋
Read more

finish my final

wOo~
finally finish my final exam

started my sem break
it should be a good thing or a bad thing?
hmm
will see after that

cisi went back to beijing
to renew her passport
but the lady is so damn rude
make cisi felt sad

kinda miss her
didn't see her for one week de
thought will be seeing her after her trip from thai

anyway
hope cisi and kuhan will recover soon
can't wait to see her
when she's back

decide to find a job after telling my parents i wanna go Australia
but didn't discuss with them yet
dun even know i should tell them i want a job or not
scare they will be angry

but will go bed or sega to ask for an interview
during next week

or should i just spend more time with my family
and friends?
haiz
see what will happened during next week la
Read more

move on

Felt moody
Thought it would be just a game

What is like?
And what is love?

I dun have the strong feeling with him
Like last time I use to have with my ex
And thought I was just playing around
Flirting with the guy that I don’t have feeling with

But why am I getting jealous?
Care so much on every single action that he made?
And its getting more and more serious
I even get mad at him like its necessary

But I just keep it silence
Didn’t ask more
And pretend it doesn’t matter

I felt so stupid
Like a dog waving its tail
Following its owner everywhere
Everyday

Didn’t even know he hate it or not
Rumorous spreading all over
Thought we are couple

He ignore it when people ask him
[I think who they mention is me]
And I just pretend don’t know,
After Vera told me what she heard

They didn’t get shock
Coz they know everything
But not others

Thought its just a game
For me to spend my time
Don’t want to make it serious after all the hurts from the pass


People learnt from their mistake
But I didn’t
I keep repeating the same mistake
But in different way
How stupid am I?
Haha

But its enough
I'll move on
To do what I should do
And to be who I am

Will make everything clear
Coz ones principle is important than everything
And to prevent from getting hurt
Read more

I'm just me

heard something that I won't want to
I'm not her
and I'm not like her
pls dun said that I'm like her
everyone have their own way of living
their own tought
pls dun compare each other
and
I'M NOT LIKE HER
I'm just doing what I like
and being myself
Read more

girl's heartfelt wishes

Feel like writing something
But don’t know what to write and where to start

Had a gal talk with May the day before
Why play gal and play boy exist?
Why gal always hurts the most?
Why tears always come out from the eyes?

We grow up through our lesson
We become realistic

You are the one who destroy our dreams
You are the one who step on our hope
But thank you for making us strong

Seeing through
Be realistic
Being a bitch

But the truth is tears always come out from the heart
Fake smile and act are always there to look stronger than usual
Pretending is to cover the ugliest part of an empty heart
a broken heart

There is no happy ending
There is no fairy tails
That is the real world
Don’t give promises when you can’t make it
Don’t bluff yourself when you know what the truth is

You are not prepare to have a serious relationship
Please don’t pretend that you are
Give promises and break it easily

People around me mostly facing the same problem
Every time when they said they are ok
I already move on
But Tears come out from the heart

Sharing is the only thing that can be done I guess?
But is it really useful?
Its all depends on them

Good luck and god bless to all of you
Cheer
…………………………………………………………………………………………
Ones heart is hardly to understand I guess?
Or its just how much you pay for to know that person?

Feeling..expression..doesn’t explain anything
But sometimes it means something

Guessing might not be the correct answer
But without guessing the will always be zero answer

You use to say me
“why every time something happened also you don’t tell me?”
But did you do that when something happened to you
Or how you feel

You have been moody these 2 days
But you didn’t say anything
Its because he’s back? And your hermit crab runs away??
Or other things that bothers you??

You seem to be very tired
And starts to get sick
But you won’t sleep early
No until they come back

I tried to cheer you up
But it seems to be not working
I can’t even talk to you properly and how can I do that?

Yet you change after seeing the banner
Felt happy for you too
But I’m not the one you can share the joy with
I don’t know how you feel
Don’t know how much it means to you

Don’t think it matter much anymore
Decided to go Australia
Just wait my parents to approve and done the payment
Everything will be over when its settle

Don’t think that matters you also
Coz you already got no feeling for everything
Except “GAMBLE CREW” and your “children”

No one need someone to live so do you and me
So good luck and hope you will just be yourself and walk to international as you hope last time
Or maybe you already decide to change your dream and move on with other things
Just all the best for you and me
Read more

early morning

i used to said every morning will be a good starting
everything is over when the day ends
but i think today is not my good day

what the fuck u dunno how to drive izit?
stupid man
if u want to make me involve in 2nd accident
I will kill you

stupid ah pek wanna cut in from the 1st to the 3rd road
u know how to drive ah??
you drive faster than me
so what
also need to know how to estimate de k??
if dunno than dun drive so fast and take the road inside
need me to teach u how to drive ah??

ER!!!!!!!!
really damn wanna kill him
make me shock

the COMING SOON already make me can't sleep the whole night
the stupid ah pek still
ER!!!!!

we watch COMING SOON the day before
that is damn.....horrible
i scared Maggie during that movie also
coz i was shock and shout
sorry yo
Read more
Read more

If you are not you

Knowing what kind of people you are
But the way you treats me still make me
Don’t know what to do


You woke up at 6.30 in the early morning
Although you had pass me the key of your house before I went to bed at 3
You scare I can’t wake up
But after I slept u still borrow my laptop looking pictures till very late


Seeing my hair wet
As my usual act [don’t dry my hair after washing them]
He wants to take a towel for me
But I rejected him because I scare there will be a jam and I’ll be late


He call me to go behind for awhile before he open the door for me
I follow him and he was plugging the hair drier
Ask me to stand still and dry it for me


The word “play” makes me feel bad in the situation
I felt unbelievable and happy


Something came out of my mind
If he’s not him
How good will it be


My principle came out again
Hoping that something good will really happened
But I know that’s not gonna happened



…………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Had nightmare the day after when I had my nap
Really ridicules
That girl I saw once appear in my dream
What the fuck
I thought I doesn’t care
I thought I can just do what I want
But actually I don’t like the situation now


Being so good with him
Doesn’t care want he’s doing or talking to
What a stupid thing I’m doing
Cause I really CARES!!!
I’m jealous..angry..and sad every time
But pretend noting happened


He is a play boy
He didn’t prepare for relationship yet
Won’t it be a good thing if he’s not him
Read more

This two days

hmm..let me recall back what happened this two days

 
oh ya
we went QB on wednesday night to look for our costume
but unfortunately we can't get anything

after dinner we went back to studio
coz ah soo's car can't start again
so we have to go back to help him

we went gurney for a movie
'KNOWING'

at first i thought its no wing
haha
coz they said is about the end of the world
and through the pronunciation
....
my bad

after movie we went Subaidah
[people there know us also de]
kinda hungry but can't eat much
coz dun wanna get scold anymore
haiz

slept very late although i'm very tired
he was busy talking with Deric  and ah Hong

i tried to sleep
like the day before
but i can't
==

i can't wake up the next day
and he ask me to sleep more before he left for work
i was blur and didn't ask much
just know that he will be having class later

i heard Maggie went out
and gonna reach two
so i just take my bathe and prepare to go out

but i can't find the hostel key at all
and decide to jump out from the window
but i'm wearing skirt
==
should I??
hmm..
maybe i should wait for awhile
see whether he will call me or not

after finish reading one thick magazine
i decide to jump out the window and walk to studio

wOo~~
it took me an hour to reach studio
hmm
one thing for sure
my ability of walking is slowing down
haha

we went KW
dunno why
i buy a filled dragon

wa~~~
bankrupt de
both of us spend around RM500 that day in the pet shop

and how stupid am i
bought one fountain
get one free [purchase more then RM120] 
and bought one motor when there is one inside the fountain

really feel like killing that guy
ER!!!
but he taught us a lot of things also
haiz
just dun be so stupid next time

its kinda mess 
so we change the habitat and some just clean it
but its too many and dun have much time
so some didn't manage to have a new/clean house yet

Read more

09042009 =moody=

想起出国的事
最近的我都没在想这个问题

原因?
我最近的生活平淡
没了很多烦恼

现在又会想起
不用多说也是因为酱

可以说我一直以来做这个决定都只是在逃避吧?
但我真的做得到吗?

我的开心与悲哀已经被他控制住了
为什么自己会陷到这种地步啊?

最近的我发现
其实我容忍不到他那性格
或许他对我是不一样了
但他对别的女生应该都没变过吧?

选择了开心失去原则
也不一定会开心的吧?
或许一开始到现在都只是自己太过天真

小气
吃醋
是因为在乎
但也是种约束

放你自由
对我也是种解脱吧?

我真的行吗?
Read more

08042009

是一种依赖
一种习惯吗?

睡不着是因为已经习惯了你的体温
你的存在吗?

让自己不再在乎是因为觉得什么都不再重要了
原因?
因为那个人是你

相处久了
知道的越多
越是过不了自己那关

喜欢什么都不想
做自己喜欢做的事

但开心了又怎样?
开心了就不用面对现实吗?

有了开心
回忆
得来的不一定是幸福
满足
而是比现在更多的痛苦
难过

得到的不是第一次的教训了
但为什么明知道是笨蛋还是要当呢?
一次次的越伤越重
除了可悲,应该就没有别的字可以形容我了吧?

Maggie说的没错
who love the most will end up be the looser

成熟点好吗?
总觉得自己越来越幼稚
做人越来越失败

总像个傻瓜一样
一厢情愿
跟着人家尾巴到出走

天啊~~~
救救我啦
><
开条路给我行吗?
好想去church

谁要来救救我啊?
Read more

笨蛋

“笨蛋”
除了这两个字应该就没有别的字可以形容我自己了吧?
应该说可悲还是可笑呢?
Cisi说的没错
就算我有了名份也不会好过到哪去
所以最好就是别让自己越陷越深
Vera也说的没错
最近的我少了很多烦恼
不再像之前那样
但这两天又再想些有的没的了
在他身边的女生那么多
也不是不漂亮
我为什么就要像个傻瓜?
对我的态度有所改变又怎样?
他对每个人都一样的不是吗?
好恨自己像个跟屁虫似的
更讨厌自己没了原则
。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。
你是笨蛋吗?
被人骂笨蛋还回‘o’
ER!!!~~~~
我真的快被你搞疯了
你那在乎是因为什么?
每次在我对你绝望时又把我耍得团团转
爽爽发封讯息过来
说没两句又是我在找话题
除了你就没别的要说了吗?
像是我自己一厢情愿找你一样
是那样的话为什么要找我啊?
每次决定不再继续
你都会让我心动
可我就真的就那么笨的继续想跟你聊
真的好可悲
哈哈
好累
好想淋雨
或许我应该不再回你
不再在乎
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bad bad day..

had english presentation today
wa~~~
totally sucksss~~~
haiz
i think i had been the worst among the all
not lack of comfidents
but the way i present
and how nervous i am
totally bring me down
didn't prepare well was my biggest mistake
and
i'm really sleepy~~~
ER!!!
i even skip the first class
sleep until almost noon
but
why i still felt sleepy when i was driving?
so...
speachless
when studio after class
since there is no other activities for me
first thing i notice there
is my horned lizard looks..
weird
moody will be the right word to describe my mood now
its looks different then usual
looks sick
and i really thought its dead
but lucky its juz my negative side
but still i think its sick
haiz
dunno wat to do
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